My first blog....
Why do people blog? Is it more so for themselves, or for others? About themselves, or about others?
What am I saying?
Why am I blogging? Why do people blog? Do they just want to be heard?
See, my problem is...I judge. Everything. I judge everything, but what i judge most of all is, myself.
To "judge": to form an opinion about through careful weighing of evidence and testing of.
Hm...forming an opinion, yes. Though I don't know if there is much care or evidence put into my judgements. It's in fact, more careless, if anything. I am so worried about how I will be viewed that I am too scared to publish anything that might affect another persons opinion of me....Aha. A revelation....or simply a question: Do I prejudge myself, because I am scared that others will judge me? When does a person get to that place of not caring about what others think of them? To be fair, I do see how I've progressed wildly from this after going to Wagner, moving to NYC. College changed me, certainly....or it helped me "grow" (Thanks Bridesmaids).
I have so many questions and curiosities about this life and I think that writing actually helps me explore those a little bit. Investigation is key, so I've learned from amazing dance artists like Claire Porter and Bill Evans.
This summer when I was in Arundel, Maine for summer stock at the Arundel Barn Playhouse, a group of us were out to breakfast on the last morning of our summer in Kennebunkport and a local women named Karen asked us to sing a tune. This seems typical of Karen....I can tell she's a busy-body, a socialite, like to make her presence known. So of course, Karen is going to ask us to sing once she finds out we are from the playhouse.
First of all, this seems to be an everlasting obligation for actors/performers to do on command just because we can. I certainly don't suppose accountants are ever asked to balance a checkbook out in the open, or lawyers are ever begged "oh, please, please present the evidence! Would you please argue a case for us? You have such a lovely way of arguing cases". Singers however will always, always, always, no matter where they are be demanded to sing on cue. We often shy away from this....and I honestly think it's a case by case type of thing. If this act is being asked of us to 'prove' something then by no means do I feel that we are obligated to utter a pitch. If, however, there is some amount of joy that might arise from a song, then I say, 'aw what the heck?'. Anyhow, before I take off on an entire tangent about my family's never ending plea for me to sing every holiday party, I'll get back to my story.
SO the lot of us sing for busy-body Karen....her group...and basically all of Bartley's seaside restaurant. We all continue to socialize a bit, I find my way over to this group of locals and sit at their table with the owner of the restaurant, Karen, in her busy-body, enthusiastic manner (who naturally turns out to be an unofficial press person for Bartley's restaurant) and a few others. Karen posed a question to me that I found quite thought provoking. It was about actors and was something along the lines of "Well, you're actors! Aren't all actors outgoing!? You'd think all actors would be outgoing.....Wouldn't you???!!? I mean....think about extroverts!!....and then there are introverts, I suppose some actors could be intro...." I cut her off before she could ask me the same question a hundred different ways, and I started talking. I really didn't have any idea what my answer was but it was the best way I could think of shutting busy-body Karen up without placing a metal clamp over her mouth. I was pleasantly surprised to find that with a little excavating through my brain in that moment, I came up with the following.
"Well, I think that a lot of actors are outgoing. I think also, some are introverts. But I think you're associate the 'outgoingness' with a kind of ongoing exploration that you see in actors, or any artist really, as opposed to social behavior.....because we all know that some artist aren't always the best social diplomats (cue table laughter). Think of it this way- an artist is constantly doing research, they're finding out new things, they're curious". And when that word came to mind, I was taken back to Stage One, at Wagner, after a performance of the dance project. We hosted Bill Evans for the weekend to adjudicate the pieces and also offer two workshops. He gave a great lecture about curiosity and the exploration we go on....the investigating we do. So I continued my answer to the table, "and a true artist, I think, not only has the curiosity, but also the willingness, the bravery, the need to investigate it. To learn and then put into practice."
I could tell that some people at the table were really following what I was talking about....busy-body Karen however was finished with me and I could see that this women was already scanning the room for her next plan of social attack. So does this bring up another quality for an artist? Patience? Willingness to live in the moment? To know how to just 'be' where you are and let yourself be saturated fully in the situation in which you are presently living? I think so....but then it brings up another question. The line may be clear between curiosity in an artist and busy-body Karen.....but what about the line between the artist and those others at the table who so peacefully sat and listened, engaged in the conversation and appreciative of the moment. I think then, the answer lies in the doing of the thing. The creating of the thing.
An artist creates something. That's all there is to it. There is no judgement as to if one is an artist or not. If you create something that comes from a "creative" place, a place within yourself, you are giving birth to something, a....creation....(....let's see how many times can I use the root word create...). The point is not whether it is good or bad, it's undeniably art; If one is creating, there is no question, that individual may call themselves an artist. Now take it a step further and we see maybe why art is appreciated, loved, moving, beautiful. It is because that artist who made it, took and invested the time to investigate some curiosity he or she has had and made something of that. It is the difference between the finger-painting hanging in my mother's bedroom and the Sistine Chapel. My mother (and knowing her, she probably would) might find more beauty in that colorful smudge on crinkled paper thats been up on the wall for almost twenty years, than she could in Michelangelo's iconic masterpiece. This will not be the case with everyone........ In fact, those two pieces may be the finest examples of artistic expression the world has to offer. One demonstrates complete freedom, letting go, a fascinating carelessness where any and every impulse is followed. Another demonstrates a mastery of technique, precision, history in a climate of art and religion. And the beautiful thing is that only those two artists will ever be responsible for those two creations.
Woah...um, so anyway, why a blog? In fact, I forgot that was the question at hand. I think I've just proved it to myself though. This is a drawing board for me to investigate my own thoughts, experiences and curiosities as they come at me, a mile a minute. It's not about anyone or anything. It is for me. And it is for you.
I'm amazed by everything I see. 
I'm amazed by everything I see. 
